Proving My Point

Last week I blogged about friendships. I said that the people to whom you go for advice need to be people who share your values. The very next day I watched a cooking-centered talk show I enjoy, and it proved my point.

The host had a soap opera star known for her many on-screen marriages as a guest. At one point they invited questions from the audience. An attractive young woman stood up and said that, because of some bad past experiences, she had now decided to remain chaste until she is married. Her question was how to get the men she dated to take that seriously. The advice she got? Well, after they finished laughing the host and the soap star suggested that she let men know that there was “a light at the end of the tunnel” by telling them that they had to go on a certain number of dates before things became intimate. That way the men would have something to look forward to.

What? This is a young woman who has taken charge of her own life. She has made a decision to respect herself, and any man who cannot respect her choice does not deserve her company. Let’s think about this, though. She asked this question of a woman who lived with her husband for years before they married and a woman who has made a career out of on-screen bed hopping. I can guarantee that the answer she received would have been completely different if she’d asked it of two women who valued sexual purity and endorsed the concept of abstinence until marriage.

So, I remind you now to think about your friendships. Do the people to whom you turn for advice and counsel share your basic values? If so, wonderful. If not, you might want to consider adjusting your friendships so that you can focus on those with whom you have more in common. I’m not saying that you should drop those other friends. I’m just saying that it’s wise to cultivate the deepest friendships with those whose advice you can trust to support your values.

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