I often speak with young women. Recently during a conversation with one of these young women, I’ll call her Nancy, talk turned to a romantic interest. He’s sort of involved with someone else, but has made it clear that he’s interested in Nancy. She’s attracted to him. Very attracted to him.
I asked her, “Would you want a man who was dating you to be looking around for the next woman?” She didn’t like that idea. “He’s a man who pursues other women while already involved with a woman. Is that the kind of man you want?”
She stuck up for him. He’s a very nice guy. He’s very sweet. He’s very good looking. He’s very honest. (After all, he’d told her that he was “sort of involved with someone off and on.”
My response? “He’s a man who pursues other women while already involved with a woman. A man who will do that is not worthy to be a part of your life.”
I’m not sure why we women think we are the one who will change a man. Don’t get me wrong. People can change. But, as Dr. Phil often says, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. It would be different if this behavior were several years in the past. It’s not. It’s current behavior.
I didn’t tell Nancy that she shouldn’t see the man. I simply asked her if that’s what she wants in her life. I reminded her that emotions lie. She is the one who must decide what she wants in her life and be willing to make the choices that support those desires.
What do you want? Are you making the choices that support those desires?